stay on track stay on track. april is for making. making words and making art. new friendships and restoring old ones. progress. changes. april is for making a difference in the way i live before it cycles back back back.
i haven’t smoked (-1) in 7 weeks. 7 fucking weeks and today i’m at work and stressed and everyone leaves for the morning and before i can stop the thought i’m thinking “thank god i get to go smoke” like it’s january again and parks and leather jackets are my friend.
go home don’t hang get grumpy and on edge for a thousand reasons and the urge to self-destruct leaves sleeptheafternoonaway as the only option when you’ve stopped doing everything else you’ve always relied on to cope.
stay on track.
he talks about his brother’s tendency to shoot himself in the foot once he’s doing well and i only nod but inside it’s like heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fancy meeting you here because yeah, the appeal of down is always so much stronger than up.
i’ve listened to massive attack- angel a thousand times on repeat. thinking all the while that i still need to file taxes. that i still need to save money. that i still need to write today. draw today.
thinking all the while that we should just all get fucking plastered today.
stop being so fucking afraid.